Warning – This is a very personal and raw post. Opening up is hard but isn’t blogging all about being honest? Let’s get started.
Standard question – “Why don’t you post more frequently anymore?” Standard answer – “I started a new job which is extremely hectic and doesn’t leave much time for anything else.” I have been repeating the same thing to others and myself. To a large extent this is true. But in my heart I know it’s more than just my job keeping me away from something I love with so much passion.
I haven’t been myself from a few months. I am floating along rather than living each moment. I have the most weirdest feeling in my stomach when I wake up and go to sleep feeling restless every night. I compare myself to others all the time. I don’t dress up much considering how much I love clothes. I try to run away from things rather than facing them. As hard as it may be for some people to read this (since anything related to the mental well being of a person is for some reason regarded taboo!), the reality is that I am not in the most happiest phase of my life. I know I am not alone and I am sure some of you must have gone through this feeling of hopelessness at one point or the other.
Am I getting too personal with ya’ll? Well maybe! Am I making you uncomfortable? Well maybe! But this is life. As much as I love making people laugh and living a positive life, there are moments that are dark and gloomy. We all know life is not always rosy and beautiful. Yes, I also know that it’s all about having power over your negative thoughts. But sometimes, neither encouraging words nor positive thoughts really help.. Sometimes, you have to allow yourself to feel these emotions and just take one day at a time. And that is what I am doing..
Slowly and steadily working on myself. Slowly and steadily focusing on doing things I love. Slowly and steadily taking control of my life.. I guess “slow and steady” is the key! It’s not always easy.. I struggle.. I fall.. I cry.. I scream.. But I get up.. I dust off.. And I try again because I don’t want to just exist.. Maybe this post will strike a chord with people who have or are going through a slump in life.. And if any of you are feeling the same emotions, please remember you are not alone. It’s okay to feel like shit but remember it doesn’t actually make you shit 😝 See see slowly and steadily getting my weird humor back!
So this outfit is a reflection of my current state of mind.. No frills attached, raw, wild, natural, fighting my inner daemons but still trying to find the bright spot . I guess sometimes you have to tune out all the extra-noise to find what you are looking for..
“We all are a little broken.
& that’s okay.” – Love, M ❤️
10 comments
I’m not going to tell you to stay positive or tell you to just let it go or that this is life and this is how it is.. Blah blah blah! You already know that shit! But what I will tell you is that you’re doing everything right. Just keep at it, vent it out here if you want to.. Get personal get dirty! Don’t bother about the others..really.Would it be cliched if I said, I can relate to what you’re going through? I can relate to it may be a little or completely or not at all because we all have our own demons to fight! Some may be kinder than the others. But you got it girl, I’ve told you this earlier too, I love your attitude it totally resonates with me and I definitely would like to see the old Monika back! I know you’re like it’s not easy to become that person right now, I know it’s not! However long it takes fight your way out and I’m sure you’ll come out a much happier person. I’ll wait for that moment 🙂 And may I say you look so lovely in that blue dress, love flowy dresses like these! Have a good day babe!
Such an honest post which most of us will relate to.
Monica… It’s ok to space out… Be yourself and take time. Stop worrying about others. Concentrate on your self and what you wanna do. I have come out of this situation few months ago… It took a while. Trust me, this phase will pass. Hugs.
PS: you look lovely in this dress 💙
Ahh… I tell you, it comes in phases all the time. I was burnt out in March and then again last month. Blogging is hard work and so is maintaining a normal life after it. 😀
The comparison part always creeps up, but I just squash it down saying there will always be someone ahead of you or better than you, so just do what you want to do and write what you want to write. That is what makes you unique.
And it is good to take a break and relax to find our happy self.
Btw love your free-spirited outfit and hair 🙂
Richa | Fancier’s World
Its the honesty in a personal blog that makes it more of an emotional connect, isnt it! Following your posts has been such a pleasure and you “raw and weird” story is a reminder why I liked reading you in the first place. Like you said, its not important to measure how much different I am to the rest of the crowd, what really matters is that there people like me out there facing the same struggles, fighting one day and being winners on the other. I do not know about you, but being an introvert I am amazed at how much energy I spend on myself and introspection. It is a gratifying feeling to know who I am and that keeps me going strong. I wish I could learn more from you to deal with positive vibes, perhaps indulgence in fashion would a natural way to explore self.
Hi Monica!! Missed you so much! It’s so good to read your post after a really long time. I am sure you’re way too strong to let these petty things weigh you down. Let’s face it, we all have our bad day blues, some are better than others, some worse. You just have to be strong, Monica (we all are beautifully and uniquely made) because it can’t rain forever. Just do what you like. Take a break. Don’t put any additional pressure on yourself. Just try and visualize your best possible self and try expressing gratitude for what you do have. I do this all the time, and not just on days when I feel particularly bad. It changed me and the way I think. I am sure it will help you. Stay positive and take care, babe. You are the best. We all are here for you. And I am really waiting for your weird humor too!! Hehe! 😛
Lastly, one of my favorite inspirational quote for you.
“Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours.” ––Mark Twain
P.S. You look so beautiful in blue!! Simple and elegant as always.
Much love! :*
Luking damn gorgeous in all d clicks hun..xo, neha
Monika, you’re going to come out of this phase better, stronger and with a renewed look at life! You know, time changes everything!! If yesterday was a bad day, believe that you will make today the best day! I’ve seen a couple of your past posts, and you are brimming with positiveness! Don’t forget that part of you! It’s one of the best parts! Don’t you worry about anyone else! All that matters is what you think of yourself! Be the best person you can and nothing else matters! You know by now that life is all about the highs and lows. We’ve all been at the receiving end of life and at the end of the day believe you me when i say this, it’s ALL going to be ok. As hard as it is to believe it, IT IS! You’re a gorgeous girl and you are so talented with so much to offer! Face your demons head on!
Tomorrow is going to be a better day! Believe in yourself! YOU’RE STRONG!! YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL!! YOU’RE A FIGHTER!! YOU CAN DO IT!! Can’t wait to see more from you! On a geeky note, may the force be with you! 😉
P.S: You look lovely as always! The blue looks beautiful on you!
Trupti|Novembrella
Monika!!! SO this is what I wanted to tell you.Like Swati, I am not going to tell you to stay positive or that things will get better on their own. Because from personal experience I can tell you that it does NOT get better on their own. Sorry for bursting your bubble in case you expected something different. But I want to give you a reality check. This really is life. Sometimes you’re going to feel like crap for no reason whatsoever and sometimes, even getting out of bed can be a very hard thing. Been there, done that! But the most beautiful thing in all of this is that you’re undergoing change. Change as a person. You probably want more from life and need to figure that out. But what I will tell you is that listen to your gut and your instinct. If you don’t feel up to doing something, don’t do it but try to reflect what’s going on inside. Within you. There really are no answers outside of you. Again, experience. Been there, done that! We all go through these phases in life and in my opinion, they make you a different (better and way stronger!!!) person.. if you allow it to. So my sincere advice to you is, listen to your heart and yourself. And understand what’s going on within you and choose to engage in those activities and with those people that make you happy. You are truly one of a kind, Monika so instead of letting life take over, you have the power to ‘control’ (for the lack of a better word) your life. Slow and steady is great – tune out all the noise to be able to listen to yourself. And be regular at it and don’t give up!!
On a side note – Please please please continue writing though. I LOVE reading your posts and comments and seeing your wonderful pictures! You are a breath of fresh air and are amazing, so keep at it! Don’t let anyone or anything dull your sparkle!! *wink* Big hug!!!